The Website of the BBC Young Pioneers

The Song of the Pioneers

The people’s flag is brightest red - it helps us earn our daily bread
Though skinflints mock and Tories jeer - the licence fee’s not really dear
The licence fee! The licence fee!
It pays the bills for you and me!
From single mums in Bethnal Green - for expense accounts and limousines

If they don’t pay the licence fee - it’s jail and chuck away the key
For posh school fees and winter sports - we need to add a few more naughts
Our pensions are inflation free - all paid for by the licence fee
The licence fee! The licence fee!
Don’t take away our licence fee!
A hundred and thirty odd quid a year - will keep the red flag flying here!

Thursday, 18 October 2007

The ultimate reality show - "BBC Celebrity Lifeboat"

Yes folks BBC Pioneer Productions has developed the reality show format of the century!

The Beeb already has the talent, the show costs nothing at all and audience satisfaction is guaranteed.


1. The Beeb has to save around £2 billion and get rid of 3000 staff.
2. They've already asked them to justify their jobs by reapplying for them.
3. The unions want a fair system.

Let them compete to keep their jobs on prime time TV with the audience deciding who stays and who goes.

Hire Simon Cowell, Alan Sugar, Andrew LLoyd-Weber and Sharon Osbourne as impartial judges of renowned and impeccable integrity - and let the viewers have the last word.
People who wouldn't normally be seen dead watching reality shows will be glued to the screen as:-

-Kirsty and Paxo, on unicycles, shout at a cowed Tory politician in one corner while Spangles Kaplinsky and Marr attempt synchronised news reading and tango dancing in the other

Meanwhile - Naughtie sings the "Red Flag" in an operatic tenor while Wossy gets his tackle out again with Four Puffs and a Piano.

Just imagine, if you will Simon's one liners:-
"Kirsty love try a new bra and wash the hair next time"

"Andy mate, are you sure - with those ears?"
"Spangles dear, bit less skin and don't try so hard
"Jeremy - my spaniel can sneer better than that"
Ah! The drama, the tension, the tears and the tantrums!
- and, at the end of the show you have the sublime pleasure of making that premium rate call, knowing that you're getting rid of your pet hate and saving a couple of hundred grand of your licence fee at the same time.

It would almost make the licence fee seem worth it.
In a gesture of stupendous magnanimity - BBC Pioneers are offering this priceless programme concept free to the first BBC executive to email us.
Failing that, we may just have to run our own competition in the blogosphere.

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